We finally arrived to the Land of Smiles. And although it is such non-explainable mix of emotions, realizing that I will, after a long while, will be (somehow) on my own. I am on my way to a normal life or will it be normal again? Well, I may not often show it but I fear for the future sometimes. I fear that fear will consume me and will take most of my dreams. I haven't let myself become sad yet and my hope is that I will never be. 

So here I am very very anxious... and yes, being sick has changed me but I am still my own person I guess. The moment I step into my abyss, I was all of a sudden struck with too much adrenaline that I needed to contain myself. Not to mention that the house I left six months ago needed some serious cleaning... really, husband? oh well with all my love and understanding, it wasn't so easy being alone either while wife is away getting herself healthy again. No pressure then my love... a messy house is just a house, but I am home baby ;)

Well okay, how is it being back? well, aside from the fact that we are still looking for an oncologist who can replaced the wonderful doc I left in the Philippines, I still do have to battle the thought that I am not yet hundred percent well and it's still been six months and I need to slow down. What I had was not just any flu...so I needed to contain myself and stop rushing. And there's the fun of exploring through a good healthy lifestyle... yes, yes, I still do sneak out some polvoron (sweets we got from the philippines) but I am proud of myself for staying away from any meat for a while now so yey! for self control! But still mom needs to remind me to watch my diet and don't "eat too much"... I just got back from cancer, not fat camp so eating too much is a bonus. I love you mom. I know you wish the best of health for me. And again, I thanks you and dad for being there for me and my sweet parents in law. Your love and support come pouring like an April rain that never stops. I love you!

So, how did I survive it? well, I am aware that cancer can have different effect on different people. But this is how I become to managed it anyway. First, I never ever deprived myself of food. Never. You see when you have to go through chemo, the dr. will make sure that all the blood lab results to normal as much as possible like your hemoglobin, platelets, weight, etc. or else chemo will be cancel ed and postponed till lab test shows what is appropriate. So eating as much as I can and getting a lot of sleep really helps me maintain all the blood work and was never ever late for chemo. I have a very good relationship with food and I am thankful that it never changed after all. I still was able to eat "a little bit" what the dr. said, of ice cream, cheese, chocolates and of course I snack on lots and lots of fruits and veggies.  Second, I only listened to my Doctor. I know there's a lot of wonderful and kind intentions but after all it is the doctor that knows about your illness. So I make sure I listen and don't get mixed up with all the "anti cancer fad". But like I said, to each his own. Whatever works best is just as great. It's your body, listen to it.

Then I enjoyed my time doing things I find interesting. I learned some new hobbies and most of all I learned how to cook and I am very excited and challenged to finally embrace my way in the kitchen.

I know, I know it's not that fancy of putting together my food but at least there's some effort in it ;) Well, excuse my random thoughts for now but I sure needed to start writing somehow. Till next time my beauties!