shannellee: August 2014

Hi guys... been a few weeks since my last hospital episode. And I've been feeling good since then. And oh, don't get me wrong... being sick and feeling good don't usually hold hands but it is the last choice really or get eaten up with sadness. Well, I have days when I just let those tears fall down and ask the inevitable "why?" Oh well, I guess life is supposed to kick your ass (forgive the langauge...sick person talking) once in a while so you got to rise up like a hell of a hero or fall and become one of the gods.

Well anyways, metaphor aside... this is what happened... who would have thought that a single visit to the doctor would change almost everything... this is what we sick people usually said...but it didn't really change it for me. It put my life into a STOP. "You got cancer" is definitely one you don't want to get in your mail...not in your million lifetime. But I guess I got drawn. I couldn't even remember how I felt that day. It was something unexpected of course... then I started counting years? Days? Minutes? Seconds? Or how much time do I really have? Then came all the statistics of survival... what side of it am I drawn into? I wasted no time... I thought I'd skip all the drama I get into business right away. And yes, believe it or not, I chose not to cry about it... I started to plan logistics, finances and "hiccups" right away. I got to survive this...and yes friends and family came along to take the journey with me each of them playing their roles which I will forever be thankful for.

So, the journey began... as sad as I wanted to be... I just hold on to faith. After all the gazillion needle attacks, a "stab" in the belly which will always remind of my battle, and the prayer of hope from friends and family, here I stand await, keeping up with my favorite kardashian girls (what else can a sick person do?) ...and so ready for the next stop. Yup, chemo is just around the corner...and better be up and running on a hat shopping spree... and yup, partly one of the reason I needed to get up early in the morning in spite surgery discomfort and "turtle walk" around the house to recover fast cause I needed those hats or werk the alien head... but seriously I don't intend to scare the kids at home. So, get me those hats or a sack over my head...LoL! ...and oh did I say I turned vegetarian too? Yup, I turned into a fish eating vegetarian...does it make sense? Oh well, I guess it just means I eat more veggies now than I usually do... and a lot of people... "experts" say it is a good thing. So I bet it is... ;)

and yup... I am seeing eyebrows raising the roof. Annoying right? it is so unbelievable that a sick person can hold on to a pocket full of sunshine...and stay up and bright like crazy. Don't be. I get sad too. I am sad that I don't to do the things I usually love to do. That all I do all day is roam around the house in eerie silence as if I am a ghost already ;) to have people, good people do things for me because I can't ....because I am too sick to do it. But just like any other battles I have won my first one. And gearing for yet another. Just have to keep that helmet on get all the faith you have and brave on. huha!

have a fantastic day everyone. and remember " hope is a waking dream " xoxo