shannellee

Hey guys! I am back!... okay not that back but I am slowly getting there. Been a while since I've been in a hiatus. Chemo gets on the way of blogging and although I am perfectly fine most days, I have solely dedicated my time sleeping and enjoying not doing anything but to make myself strong, healthy and happy. Nothing of that much really happen the past few months. Except for my trips to the hospital and the forbidden trips to the malls the market and what nots... I am basically just sitting around enjoying the view from my window and tons of books to read. Yes, I have finally get the wish of my life... to read as much as I want. Okay not after my bed time tho. Apparently,  we chemo chicks do need a lot of sleeping time. and that's super fantastic too. Yey! for beauty sleep :)

Aside from my super bare head look. I can say there has been a lot of changes in my life which came about after some time of struggling to stay over water and kicking cancer hard on the balls. I have become aware of the NOW and somehow unconsciously leave tomorrow as it is. My mantra is to make today as worthwhile as it is and be thankful for what comes along. I have also made a 90 degrees turn on my lifestyle. I have turn into a vegan. Like I used to say, since I got sick I no longer bare to have anyone not even animals subject to death... I couldn't even swat an insect. Not after I realized how precious a life is. So I made some choices and I am happy. And please don't get me wrong I am not here to preach about... to each his own like they say. But I guess I will be gearing more towards the lifestyle I am choosing to live and yup that means I might be doing some copy-cat "cooking rituals" and food prep options from the likes of Laura Vitale Although she doesn't cook mostly vegan. But she does have a lot of vegan choices on her channel. And of course Kristine of Fully Raw and few others.

I may also make a few shift on my beauty and health choices and... ohh well it might just be the chemo thing but I may have gone a little nuts and have become a little organic fanatic... but hey it's the sick chick talking so please please please no raise eyebrows please. Well, I do however try my best to come up with really really relevant things to keep this blog going. Well... might also be talking about hats and being bald and my interest on trying crocheting and sewing and things I got in my bucket list... we'll see... and I hope you stay tune for it.

Well, I guess I will be coming back for more of my day to day updates. But for now I need to sleep and since the doc had to add few more rounds of chemo instead. So I needed to keep resting to recharge. So till then my beaugorgeous! And remember "life is a waking dream."

    

It was already been a couple of months since I had this constant pain in my back which doesn't go away but I never let it bother me until there was this excruciating pain near my shoulder blades. Its like I was hit by a lighting. So I thought I could spend a few hours in a hospital and pay my doctor a visit on my way to grad school. Anyway, this is something I am sure I don't need to worry about. So there I was with my husband anticipating but not worried. 

My doctor's (gynecologist) first initial was that we could be pregnant.  something we were hoping for and the thought of it made us excited. oh well if we were.... my husband and I were really pretty good hiding our excitement... we don't want to hope. We have been trying but we learn that the best thing to do was never to expect anything... especially something that we can't control...or be disappointed. So like quiet little minnions we followed the doc to the ultrasound room with a tiny sprinkle of hope in our hearts. We could be having a baby ;)

But you know that long sigh from the doctor that gives them away. That unspoken sorry. The minute that followed was spent detailing why it wasn't the expected little heartbeat we see. My uterus was larger than the average abnormal size. It was so large it made me look like I was 5 months pregnant. So we started to talk procedure and opted for a papsmear. The doc found a polyp on my cervix and had it removed for biopsy then adviced us to come back for the result after a week. And so we did. Turns out I have a tumour in my uterus and was adviced to undergo some kind of a cutterage. So I decided to have it an hour later thinking I could get this over with and get on with what I am suppose to do. I did an out-patient surgery and after two hours I was rushing out the recovery room. I have no time to rest... so I thought. 

However, I was again rush to the emergency room few hours after I left the hospital. I couldn't void ( or shall I say the girl can't pee) and it's the most annoying thing ever. So I spent 2 days in the hospital instead having my bladder "cath" out every couple of hours until the doc decided to have it fully attached. Then it started to bother me. The doctors were telling me there was nothing wrong with me that i should be voiding the minute I came out of surgery. But still it took so much effort to do it. So, after being prescribed and drugged with a couple of muscle relaxants and some sleep aid pills ;) I finally fell asleep and stopped annoying my doctors. Then I left the hospital bed went home and waited for the biopsy.

I kept myself busy days before my docs appointment. I was trying to take my mind off the "what ifs" and told myself it was just a tiny little tumour and the docs going to get rid of it. And the fact that he canceled the next appointment to the weekend didn't bother me at all.

So, I was again back at the hospital, told my husband to park the car, and take care of the doc myself. 

And there I was at the docs office looking at a piece of print out. Then it suddenly came to me. I have cancer... it felt surreal... I have an abnormal thickening of the womb. Endometrial Cancer. I didn't even realized husband was already standing behing me squeezing my shoulders. I couldn't even cry... well, in all honesty I didn't even cry about my cancer. I didn't let it break me. But I cried because I know it is going to hurt the people I love. And seeing them hurt makes me sad. 

But I was determined to fight it. I have to take control. I'm not going to let cancer use my body to hurt me and hurt the people I love. So, the longest battle I have ever been started. Now I am on to my last chemo. Everyday I keep telling myself that this is up to me. That I can fight to my last breath. Even when those times my body seemed to give up, my spirit lingers to the sunrise... this is just one day...tomorrow is going to be a better day. The pain is too much to bear, but I am still thankful that I am given the chance to be brave. Till next time...and remember, "hope is a waking dream." xoxo

anyways... with all honesty, being sick is hard... there is so much to endure... but after all the down lows there is hope... and besides it will never really weight you down because you learn that whatever things you come across in life... there are wonderful people who stands by you, grab your arm and never let go... i found courage in the support of my family and friends across the world who drops by, say hi and spends a laugh or two just to remind you that there is more to life than what it is now. 

well... i wanted to write more but apparently i need to sleep... 

                                                       ...... off to my first chemo session

                                                        .... first night... feelin' fabulous

Hey guys! its been a while since I did some makeup look. Been really preoccupied with things and I never really get to play with makeup as much as I used to. But anyways, thought I'd share my go to look these past few days using my favorite drugstore products. And also since I changed my hair color I also needed to chose shades that would complement my hair.

* Primer - L'Oreal Base Magique Transforming Smoothing Primer

* On my face - Lucent Magique BB Cream by L'Oreal

The weather is back to hot and humid these days so I use  BB cream instead of foundation so it doesn't feel so heavy on my face.

* To set the BB Cream I use the True Match Super-Blendable Powder by L'oreal

*On my eyes I used the shades from my favorite palette by Beauty Cottage.

x1 - Apply on the entire lid

x2 - apply on the inner lid corner blending towards the middle.

x3 - apply on the outer crease corner blending towards the middle sweeping smoothly on the outer lid corner towards the middle.

x4 - apply on the upper crease to create a gradient shade.

x5 -  apply on the brow  bone.

*Still on my Eyes, I used the Eyebrow Stylist Set by Essence (I need a darker brow shade to match my hair color.)

*Eye Liner - Liquid Ink Eyeliner by Essence

*Mascara - The Falsies Volume Express by Maybelline

*On my cheeks, I use the Sun Matte Bronzing Powder by Catrice to contour my cheeks and my nose with CanMake Nose Powder. And the KMA blush to add more color to the apples of my cheeks sweeping towards the temple.

Then I finish off with my favorite Superlustrous Wink for Pink Lipstick by Revlon.

and the look I came up with.

HAVE A WONDERFUL MONDAY GORGEOUS and always remember

one positive thought can change your day...

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it within us or we find it not."

Ralph Waldo Emerson



HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY EVERYONE!