shannellee

Hey beauties! how's everything going in your side of the universe? I hope you guys are carrying on and still hopping like excited little bunnies because... c'mon its friday! and time to partehy!

Well, I was at the doctor yesterday and I am very happy that everything is going well for now and that there is nothing to worry about except well... I have again gained 2 kilos more of weight which the doctor, with all her enthusiasm combined, explained that it's a good thing and it only means my body is getting back to its normal function. So, yey! 

Honestly, I don't feel like anything except that weird feeling that I only had a flu and now I am getting rid of it. Might be defense mechanism kicking in but often times I'd like to think that cancer was just a very very bad flu gone ballistic. So, despite the fact that I am now a certified survivor and had to eat 5 combination of meds for breakfast, I am very thrilled to call myself a bionic woman (barf) LOL! believe me I had to look like Gullum one time and it was a not a common sight my precious. Now, I am totally rocking the bunny hunter Mr. Elmer Fudd look...and yes I can pass for a Missus. If only I am not already married to a gorgeous man...peace sweetie :)

So anyway, like I said, I was at the doctor yesterday for my 21 days follow up check up after my last chemo. And you see, I was actually pretty worried... like I don't know... maybe worried that the big old scary Mr. Cancer might come back unexpected again... So, I thought I might as well get that anti cervical cancer vaccine just to make sure. And so there I was smiling at the doctor excited for no reason (it's just me ...and probably my crazy cancer head)... and in my high pitch excited voice I burst in and ask the doctor..."oh can I get the anti cervical cancer vaccine dr.? and then she was like..."oh but honey, you don't have a cervix. all you've got is your VJay and nothing more." and I was like "great! that means I don't need to get the vaccine anymore." LOL! the dr. indeed had *taketh and what am I to do?

Then I thought, there goes my womanhood...flushed down the drain and why am I smiling? I guess because I realized that everything turns out the total opposite of what "every woman should be". I cannot be a mother, I have a michilin neck and I can't even blow dry my hair, curl my lashes and my eyebrows? honey, it disappears before you can even blink. Thanks to the non-cancer friendly eyebrow liner or haven't they ever invented one already? oh well, I have become by far the epitome of imperfections. And I'm okay ;) because after wiping off the amazing tricks of makeup, it is still the person sitting in front of the mirror that you still love. The you no one may know, the you who have smile through every struggle. And because you know that behind those scars and bulges there is a brave person staring back at you... then you smile.

Well, of course you don't have to be something else or to be struggling or to necessarily have cancer (heaven forbid) to be brave and be strong and be bold. You can be just the way you are. Like they said, "you are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful." Till next time... and oh I might be coming up with some reviews and some "how to" tips soon. So, please stay tune for it. Have a wonderful day beautiful people.

Hey my beauties! it feels wonderful to be back again. It's been a few couple of happy days after my last chemo and I am very glad I get to see 2015 in such an amazing way. Well, it may be quite normal... er common to come out with a few new years resolution for this year... like I used to... but this time... I don't even know if I have a resolution. I am just too happy I get the chance to see another year pass through my very eyes and I am more than happy to just take a curious glance to more wonderful things and hop right to it. 

I am well now... kinda :) and yes, I could have blog about my journey but I just decided to sit back for a while take time to rest and focus on becoming healthy again and no... I don't think cancer all the time. As much as it is as scary as the joker's smile I am not intimidated by it. And well, in as much as I don't want to sound arrogant, I am stronger than what it is. So instead I get to do things I never get to do before. Like I learn how to cook, crochet and read tons of novels which took a lot of my time and of course spend wonderful time with my cousins, my siblings and people I love :)

And yes, this is indeed another chapter of my life. I've past through another tunnel. The journey wasn't all that tough but I had times when I get to pause for a while and wonder if there will ever be a light at the end of it. Then I look back and realized I have come this far and I am going anyway. So, how did I cope with my cancer? you ask. Well a lot of courage I guess. And yes there were times I had to struggle alone. There are times when you wonder and realized... no one really understands what you are going through.  And yes, surviving through an illness doesn't just mean you have to go through the pain of being poked and poked with gazillion of needles a million times but its the thought that came a long with it. Like you wonder if the universe is punishing you...and you look back again, your life flashing through in front of you and you wonder... have I consumed so much water more than I needed to? have I used up so many toilet paper? have I been so unkind to people? to creatures ( I don't eat anymore)...or have I been so greedy, selfish, self absorbed, ungrateful or perhaps its the lack of faith... and that I have been punish a hundred blows. Do I deserve all this? Then I realized cancer is not sentence... a death sentence for perhaps any wrong done. And sadly, the fact that people discriminate... cancer doesn't. It happens to people young and old, rich or poor, regardless of whatever faith and race. And NO, cancer is not a punishment but rather an opportunity to be brave, to be more compassionate, to be kind and tolerant and above all  to have faith that whatever happens I can get through all it because I am stronger.

Now I am very very excited to come back. There are so many things to do and projects waiting to be done. The universe will not wait for me and like most of us... "surviving cancer is not going to be our only accomplishment" there is something more... and that is the faith that what is ahead may be uncertain, but we face it with boldness in our hearts that everyday is the matter that counts.