...she sat wandering away thinking about how it would feel like to be a mother. To cradle someone out of her own self and watch it grow into a person she is a part of... to hear someone calling her mom... the happy they said... the bliss and fulfillment they said... and then she wonders if it is a curse to never ever experience it... or is it not?
I have waited for a long time to finally talk about the issue of not being able to have children of my own. Actually there is no way of telling how it really feels.You can neither be sad or happy because how can someone miss something that hasn't been there in the first place?
However, I find it interesting though how people, not all I'd rather say, automatically think that one is unhappy, unfulfilled, and lonely because there are no children in the marriage. And to say that you are happy in spite of makes it seems like you are selfish, cold and heartless. And no, I am not going to rationalized about it because having children I believe is still one of the happiest thing one has to experience. But it doesn't make me sad either.
Well sometimes I find it difficult to deal with conversations about having children or not having children and I feel awkward as much as people do when talking about it because the stigma is very apparent. It seemed like as a woman one has to bear motherhood to feel relevant. But what if I already knew that I'm not cut out for it? As a teacher, I would spent almost my entire day/life being with my students and I love my job, but I also love the fact that I can go home and spend a peaceful afternoon taking care of myself and getting a looooot of sleep.
I believe there is a story behind every childless marriage. And yes, for some of us, who've intentionally or for other reasons cross this path, I'd say that indeed this is a road less traveled. And to say that we are happy in spite of not having children is not at all sacrilegious because I know that there are more than one hundred and one ways to be a parent. I may never become a mom, but I know I am going to be the coolest auntie to my nephews, nieces and godchildren. I will love and spoiled them to bits. And when they get all cranky I can... well give them back to their parents. LOL! And isn't that very convenient :) I can also focus my time and spend the whole day teaching and then saunter through the evening, give myself a long stretch, kick my shoes off and embrace the world of silence and peace and call it a wonderful day :)
