shannellee

I've been dying to blog these past few days. But it seems like I have nothing to say. And I don't know if this is still the effect of chemo brain or I was just too caught up with "adulting" and doing things which needs to be prioritize :) and hands up those who think that being childfree gives us all the time we need that we end up bored most of the time? Nope, we get caught up with so many things like everyone does and usually it gets pretty exciting all the time... and yes, it doesn't require children. ;)

Well, anyways, since my brain seemed to be so not blogging today I thought I'll do a little throw back and dig my thoughts way back last year when I just got back from my cancer treatment... enjoy ;)

Hey wonderful people! another week had gone by and I hope you have carried along with you all the wonderful things (and maybe not so wonderful) the past week had brought you. All those tears, frustrations, joy and wonderful memories t hat will keep us going. Things that reminds us that we are still alive. And as usual we repeat another week cycle of fun, thrill, adventure and challenges. Hep! hep! if you are still on your toes thriving through.

These past few days, I've seen so may women came out from behind a body shaming crowd. Media suddenly became a friendly turf and everyone seems to be talking about self love, self acceptance and pride. Celebrities and so many ad campaigns in a most accepting and uplifting manner became the voice of the majority. The majority of us, real and "ordinary" people who pace life with all our flab, jiggles, stretch marks, burnt armpits and scars and whatever makes us real.

So last week, I was at a school event and for the first time in months, I posted a whole front body shot without hiding behind someone's back, behind a slim filtered photo, a huge bag or a hand that attempts to hide a bulge in the middle. The wind of freedom was so strong I had to close my eyes and breathe it all in ;) yes it felt good like that. In an article I recently read, the author said to recognize the imperfections you hate about your body and embrace it. Well, once in my life, I did embrace and told myself it is okay to be just me because for all we know...real life can't be Photoshop. And that is very okay ;)

Anyways, as you can tell by now, I am pretty much adjusting and loving being back to mainstream. Although I still can't fully function as an always rushed-task driven-stress sucker lunatic (oh bhoy it does sounds dangerous LOL!) I have occasionally "gate crashed" some events and manage to briefly show myself and help out in the best possible way I can. Thank you guys for being one of the reason why life must indeed go on.


On more health update. I am basically flying solo for now. Which means no trips to the hospital until we get the important details we requested from the other hospital I was treated. And no medicine of whatsoever to "prevent cancer" from coming back. So for now, I rely on my body's capacity to endure and a mental prowess to keep reminding myself that I will be fine. Well, of course comes my routine "hit session" in the tennis court. Which to husband/Ryan's joy for having an instant "sparring" buddy. Also, I have manage to maintain a clean and balance diet. Lots of fruits and vegetables and at this time... lots and lots of eggs. I guess, at this point I just feel the need to listen to my body and unfortunately the need for protein right now is so great I need eggs... dozens and dozens of them (not really) Well, I can only say that balance is always the key to everything. But take note though... I have eternally exclude all animal meat in my quest to stay alive ;) so there... (sigh)

P.S. This week, I honestly admit and rationalized my "off the wagon" rendezvous with a cup of gelato. Yes, I am most of us too. I, in my weakest moment, doubtfully and with shaking hands reach out for a taste of eternal heaven... a taste of chocolate mint gelato... and I have to be honest, at that moment of bliss... It felt like it was all worth it. I know I still have to struggle at some point like my obsession with sweet, creamy and something cold. Well I guess each and every one of us from time to time needs to dodge an Achilles heel eyh? ;) and oh, this week is the Thai New Year. Happy Songkran Thailand! But Ryan and I decided to stay in and avoid the great crowd. Speaking of real kill joy ;) well, we instead decided to snuggle in get high on caffeine  and indulge in a good book or two.

Good Day! Beaugorgeous! How's everyone doing? the past few days had been a tough one for me. But here I am again, in spite of the fact that life sucks sometimes...we've got to move on. Because life is about change and we've got to keep moving on no matter  how much we wanted it to stay the same. 

So this month's radiation season. Finally we have our therapy plan which I have to do four cycles of Brachy Therapy once a week for four times. I already did my first and I will talk  more about it after I finish all the sessions.

And as usual, I live life as normal as I can. At the moment, I don't feel any side effects relating to the therapy so I can still do things I love. Although the doctor did advice me to take things slower and have it at minimum level. Well, I tend to get hyper active and overwhelmed, so I have to remind myself to take single steps at a time.  

And although I have keep a vegetarian diet for quite a while, now that I am doing therapy, I just got to incorporate a little bit of eggs and some fish to keep my diet balance so that I don't get weak and I get all the nutrients that my body needs. Of course I still have to maintain exercise such as some low intensity walking and a little game of tennis. 

And yes, I will be back teaching soon and I can't wait to be in the class again. If there's one thing I love doing in all the world... that is to just teach... and being in a class is one of the happiest in my life. But like I said, I am taking life slower this time. And here's how I do it...

Take a breath and pause - When I find myself overwhelmed and anxious, I take a step back and breathe. I stop whatever I am doing and sit down. I focus on my breathing and feel the things around me. Well, most of the time I am just home so this is so easy to do. And usually I just find myself relieved and relaxed after a short nap.

I stop calculating my time - I would usually beat myself up over a deadline of a goal or of things that I must do. But for now, I just try my best to stop calculating and just go with the flow. It is important for me not to force myself against the current nor go towards a different direction which is impossible for me to take at the moment. So, I just let things come and deal with it each one at a time.

Stop Reaching for more - I know we have to reach for the moon. I get that. But having your feet on the ground can also be a good thing. And if it is not meant to be... I let go of it and move on. 

You can never be that perfect - So I have come to the point in my life that I, believe it or not, have accepted that I can never be perfect. That I am, and what I have is a gift and I have to be thankful and appreciate every single one of it. And somehow in between those moments that I learn to accept what life has for me... I did find a sense of peace.

Well, staying calm in the midst of chaos as what life is, is hard work in itself. But like Kalidasa, an Indian poet once said, 

Look well to this day, 

For it and it alone is life. 

In its brief course 

Lie all the essence of your existence:

The Glory of Growth 

The Satisfaction of Achievement 

The Splendor of Beauty

For yesterday is but a dream,

And tomorrow is but a vision. 

But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, 

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Disclaimer:  this is a blog re-post from my previous blog. I did my final round of radiation therapy a year ago and so far everything is well and I am cancer free. Yes, I don't know what will happen the day after today but I am grateful that today I am alive.