My Cancer Story
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I have finally come to the moment when I finally decided to come out with my cancer story. I have been casually blogging and vlogging about it but I didn't really come to the terms of finally putting it together in one single post. It's been a year now since I was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer stage II. I was preliminary diagnosed with stage III but I was lucky enough that the doctors caught it early. So my diagnosis was reversed to stage II since the cancer was still contain inside the womb area and the ovaries and haven't spread to other parts of my body. So, I had to do 6 cycles of chemotherapy and 3 rounds of radiation therapy. But they have to take out my uterus and my ovaries eventually. Well, to be honest when we went to see my doctor we were expecting a pregnant diagnosis. I was very positive I was pregnant since all the symptoms were there. But it turns out differently. So, my journey begins. Here, I have put together what was going through my head as I deal with the diagnosis..... ( and excuse the "brain farts" I was typing and posting through my phone in real time, so I didn't bother to edit any of it
pre surgery selfie |
At The Hospital - A Parody
Apparently everyone's life has to
move on in spite of me being sick.
Which i would totally totally agree.
I told everyone to keep pace with their own lives and never worry about me.
Well i worry about me i guess... everything is totally different back home... i
mean being treated back home. Although i would totally tip my cap a million
times to excellent doctors specially mine ;) but then the system totally can't
keep pace with me. They stroll i run. So here i am in what they call nurse
station next to a nurse who is literally brushing her teeth on the emergency
room sink. And a doctor who is coughing like i am not the one dying here LOL! i
can see my mom's disgust and yup the emergency brushing of the nurse's teeth is
commencing at the moment.... okay so stop... i am wheeling to the xray... done.
Xray people can't hear me calling they are reading my name on the record as if
its kind of a mantra..hey guys sick person here and I am so wanna pee... thanks
to mom who makes me drink welch every second as if it is a magic drink...
it just makes me pee really...next stop blood people...done. back to the
nurses' brushing station. LOL! By now i guess i have already gotten use to the
needles and test i have learned to comply... okay i admit not really... i have
gotten use to it...every time a routine was missed i ask about it... okay
reminder to self stop being annoying. This is something they need to take
control and not me.
Okay rewind... did I say I use my
illness to get pass the long que at the over seas filipino workers table? I
know it not fair... but i have no time here. The lady wanted to cry for me but
i told her i came not to make her cry just make things a bit faster. 3 seconds
and i was smiling dashing off the building. Mom as faithful as she is tags
along making sure i drink my welch. I love you mom. And well dad was at home
making sure he get me all the exotic fruits and tuna i requested. Well... my
family has been so helpful really... uncles and aunts who made me pass a couple
of doctors fee here and there... in the philippines we call it connections i
guess...but i call it kindness. In here there's a lot of waiting... but perhaps
i stop to care about it now... time is all i ever wanted... honestly... i don't
want to rush nor wait... next stop ECG... OH hello there machine... i don't
know whether to cry or to laugh at it... do this thing really work... or
electricute me to absolute death. But turns out i survive the lie detector
machine ahahahhahaah. Oh good finanally they took their surgical mask off. For
what seems to be eternity... i was talking to faceless people in white... you'd
probably be consider above einstein genius if you understand half of what they
are saying... all i hear was nguf nguf nguf ahhahhhahah. Okay stop... mom wants
me to drink welch.
Moving on... okay stop... would you
believe i am at the moment wheeling on the chair cuddling my suitcase...Speaking of
total awkward... id rather walk really... this thing on my lap is hell heavy...
but the guy just wheeled me off... like he is actually doing me a favor...
Call me the meanest sick person in
the world but you can't blame me can you...i have to rant... at this moment
right now a needle is fishing through my veins... after a nurse did a through
and through insertion to supposedly attach me to this liquid thing... well i
guess they thought i am for barbeque. LOL! and really not funny... and yup
again the pre op instructions delivered through masked nurses.... really? all i
heard again was ngufnguf nguf... oh well... i needed to be okay... and i guess
i need to tolerate ...after all, what can be more painful than cancer itself...
so bring it on girls... go fish... LOL!
shaved my head before chemo does it... |
Been two days since i got out
of the operating room. And so far things are fine. I know ive been impatient
and had so much to rant about but this time i stop focusing on my illness and
started to focus on the goodness of the people around me people who are patient
with me. And yes id like to consider myself bless because i have a team of
wonderful people who take good care of me. My doctors who will do everything
they can to save my life... my family and friends who treated me kindly not
because I am sick but just the way they used to. To friends and family thanks
for treating me not sick.
Chemo
Hi guys... been a few weeks since my last hospital episode. And
I've been feeling good since then. And oh, don't get me wrong... being sick and
feeling good don't usually hold hands but it is the last choice really or get
eaten up with sadness. Well, I have days when I just let those tears fall down
and ask the inevitable "why?" Oh well, I guess life is supposed
to kick your ass (forgive the langauge...sick person talking) once in a while
so you got to rise up like a hell of a hero or fall and become one of the gods.
Well anyways, metaphor aside... this
is what happened... who would have thought that a single visit to the doctor
would change almost everything... this is what we sick people usually
said...but it didn't really change it for me. It put my life into a STOP.
"You got cancer" is definitely one you don't want to get in your
mail...not in your million lifetime. But I guess I got drawn. I couldn't even
remember how I felt that day. It was something unexpected of course... then I
started counting years? Days? Minutes? Seconds? Or how much time do I really
have? Then came all the statistics of survival... what side of it am I drawn
into? I wasted no time... I thought I'd skip all the drama I get into business
right away. And yes, believe it or not, I chose not to cry about it... I
started to plan logistics, finances and "hiccups" right away. I got
to survive this...and yes friends and family came along to take the journey
with me each of them playing their roles which I will forever be thankful
for.
Trip to Chemolandia |
So, the journey began... as sad as I
wanted to be... I just hold on to faith. After all the gazillion needle attacks,
a "stab" in the belly which will always remind of my battle, and the
prayer of hope from friends and family, here I stand await, keeping up with my
favorite kardashian girls (what else can a sick person do?) ...and so ready for
the next stop. Yup, chemo is just around the corner...and better be up and
running on a hat shopping spree... and yup, partly one of the reason I needed
to get up early in the morning in spite surgery discomfort and "turtle
walk" around the house to recover fast.
I learn how to crochet so I can make my own hats |
I have fallen in love with hats... |
I needed those hats or werk
the alien head... but seriously I don't intend to scare the kids at home. So,
get me those hats or a sack over my head...LoL! ...and oh did I say I turned
vegetarian too? Yup, I turned into a fish eating vegetarian...does it make sense?
Oh well, I guess it just means I eat more veggies now than I usually do... and
a lot of people... "experts" say it is a good thing. So I bet it
is... ;)
It's nice to be surrounded with family... |
Goofing round the neighborhood with my siblings... |
Hey guys... well, thank spare time I am here but once
again ;) aside from my routine visits to the doc I am pretty much doing
nothing except keep up with my battle. Well, its almost been a month since I
was diagnosed with advance endometrial cancer. What we thought was us pregnant
turned to be just.... oh cancer.... and Well, here I am fighting for dear life.
Perhaps one of the hardest thing I did was come out and be open about it. Not
that I am too arrogant to admit I am sick but because I don't want to be the
subject of sadness. But I have always bee around and I thougt in as much as i
have enjoyed sharing the good life "the beautiful"... i also want to
share what is real.
Cancer is not funny but laughter is indeed the best medicine |
The life we tend to usually shove under the covers ...
because reality most often times are scary and sad... but yes we have to give
credit to the good times and the courage to embrace what is painful. But really
we always have the choice... we can still be happy... i am happy... well for
one i wouldn't probably see my head, my bare scalp if it wasn't for it ;) well,
I guess I have to keep it short for now... apparently I needed to sleep a lot
these days....
But really... I am still here because of the patience of the wonderful people that help me get through it. The hospital staff who stayed calm and kind and make sure that I manage just fine. My family who hoovers over me with love and so much patience and make sure that they "forget" I am sick. I know it was hard but thanks for letting me fight it on my own terms. Friends who keep me in their thoughts and prayers. BFFs from all over the world who never stopped checking on me 24/7 and sending love and inspiration. Friends and family who help us find the best treatments and the best doctors in the world ;) Thank you and I will always be here because of you. And after all, THERE IS LIFE AFTER CANCER.